With a
splash of red stayed my fear hiding
In a small
black box
Before the
dim dusk.
Four fat
cats sat high and indifferent
And the cheerless
self crawled behind.
Slower than
the non-existent
The dawdling
cruel thought
The gray
common thought.
Still the
self cowered at the black sky
While sweet
harp music played behind.
Whisper
through lips stayed my fear sliding
Sliding the
spine up
Before the
dim dusk.
Four fat
cats sat high and indifferent
The towering
trees cast shadows behind.
Thorny it’s
not, like wide-eyed wakefulness
The fat
ponderous thought
The slow
sluggish thought.
There stood
myself at a black mountain
The satisfied
stone whispered again.
Rocks in
heart stayed my fear hiding
The flat-lined
heart kept me behind.
Brighter
they’re not than comfortable life
The dull fat
thoughts
The squat
relaxed thoughts.
Still
looming large over the red valley
The unfortunate
self stifled again.
With a
splash of red stayed my fear hiding
In a small
black box
Before the
dim dusk.
Four fat
cats sat high and indifferent
Truth rose
up and set me free!
~kathie adams brown (April 30, 2013)
Prompt 30: Rewrite a poem using words that mean the
opposite
This poem is my version of the opposite of All in Green Went my Love Riding by e.e. cummings.
This poem is my version of the opposite of All in Green Went my Love Riding by e.e. cummings.
Ooh, I like it! I started reading it and I kept thinking, why does this sound so familar? Then I saw at the end, the poem you'd rewritten, and I remembered! Good job, I like it!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
Donna
Donna, thank you. It was fun but also it went to a dark place with some light finally at the end!
ReplyDeleteI like it very much and I suspect e.e. would have felt the same. Fun.
ReplyDeleteA. Quinlan, well, I first saw the poem on the NaPoWriMo website so it was new to me, but fun to play with! Thank you!
DeleteWhat an ambitious choice! An amazing job, though. The high and indifferent plump pussies particularly please!
ReplyDeleteColonist, LOL! Love your use of alliteration! Thank you for such a fine compliment! And, isn't that just like a cat?
DeleteCongrats on getting through this entire month Kathie!
ReplyDeleteAnd what a difficult prompt... I did some of them and skipped the others. You accomplished this one very well : )
Congrats again. Thanks for the well wishes on my blog.
Lynn
Lynn, I did have fun but was torn between my birding blog, going out birding, writing poetry and my family. I am now way behind on my birding blog, but felt my poetry blog deserved some attention! So, Thank you!
Delete"All in green went my love riding
ReplyDeleteon a great horse of gold
into the silver dawn.
four lean hounds crouched low and smiling
my heart fell dead before.
I like e.e. cummings but I hadn't come across this before. Mostly I read his "The Large Room" (??) and not nearly enough of his poems.
You did great on this one. I loved your "Four fat cats" who were sitting high and indifferent. Sooo creative.
Congrats on staying with the NaPo. That takes time and lots of brain work
..
Jim, thank you. I had never seen that poem either but it was part of a previous NaPpWriMo prompt. When I read it it seemed perfect for this challenge, so I had fun with it. It's interesting that the e.e. cummings poem seems so blissful, then ends with tragedy while this one is the opposite. When I first started it it seemed so gloomy, but following it to the end allowed me to write that triumphant final line! Now back to nature poetry!
DeleteOh, to not be stifled...
ReplyDeleteSandy, or held back by fear! Yes!
DeleteHi Kathie
ReplyDeleteVery impressive I liked how you adapted your work based on the cummings poem, one I had never seen.
A great way to end the month.
Guy
Guy, I had never seen this poem either but found it on the website related to a different prompt so I went with it. It was a fun exercise, though quite a bit different from what I usually do! I am glad that you liked it!
Delete