Tuesday, April 30, 2013

With a Splash of Red Stayed my Fear Hiding


With a splash of red stayed my fear hiding
In a small black box
Before the dim dusk.

Four fat cats sat high and indifferent
And the cheerless self crawled behind.

Slower than the non-existent
The dawdling cruel thought
The gray common thought.

Still the self cowered at the black sky
While sweet harp music played behind.

Whisper through lips stayed my fear sliding
Sliding the spine up
Before the dim dusk.

Four fat cats sat high and indifferent
The towering trees cast shadows behind.

Thorny it’s not, like wide-eyed wakefulness
The fat ponderous thought
The slow sluggish thought.

There stood myself at a black mountain
The satisfied stone whispered again.

Rocks in heart stayed my fear hiding
The flat-lined heart kept me behind.

Brighter they’re not than comfortable life
The dull fat thoughts
The squat relaxed thoughts.

Still looming large over the red valley
The unfortunate self stifled again.

With a splash of red stayed my fear hiding
In a small black box
Before the dim dusk.

Four fat cats sat high and indifferent
Truth rose up and set me free!

~kathie adams brown (April 30, 2013)


Prompt 30:  Rewrite a poem using words that mean the opposite

This poem is my version of the opposite of All in Green Went my Love Riding by e.e. cummings.


14 comments:

  1. Ooh, I like it! I started reading it and I kept thinking, why does this sound so familar? Then I saw at the end, the poem you'd rewritten, and I remembered! Good job, I like it!
    God Bless,
    Donna

    ReplyDelete
  2. Donna, thank you. It was fun but also it went to a dark place with some light finally at the end!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like it very much and I suspect e.e. would have felt the same. Fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A. Quinlan, well, I first saw the poem on the NaPoWriMo website so it was new to me, but fun to play with! Thank you!

      Delete
  4. What an ambitious choice! An amazing job, though. The high and indifferent plump pussies particularly please!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Colonist, LOL! Love your use of alliteration! Thank you for such a fine compliment! And, isn't that just like a cat?

      Delete
  5. Congrats on getting through this entire month Kathie!
    And what a difficult prompt... I did some of them and skipped the others. You accomplished this one very well : )
    Congrats again. Thanks for the well wishes on my blog.
    Lynn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lynn, I did have fun but was torn between my birding blog, going out birding, writing poetry and my family. I am now way behind on my birding blog, but felt my poetry blog deserved some attention! So, Thank you!

      Delete
  6. "All in green went my love riding
    on a great horse of gold
    into the silver dawn.

    four lean hounds crouched low and smiling
    my heart fell dead before.


    I like e.e. cummings but I hadn't come across this before. Mostly I read his "The Large Room" (??) and not nearly enough of his poems.

    You did great on this one. I loved your "Four fat cats" who were sitting high and indifferent. Sooo creative.

    Congrats on staying with the NaPo. That takes time and lots of brain work
    ..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jim, thank you. I had never seen that poem either but it was part of a previous NaPpWriMo prompt. When I read it it seemed perfect for this challenge, so I had fun with it. It's interesting that the e.e. cummings poem seems so blissful, then ends with tragedy while this one is the opposite. When I first started it it seemed so gloomy, but following it to the end allowed me to write that triumphant final line! Now back to nature poetry!

      Delete
  7. Hi Kathie

    Very impressive I liked how you adapted your work based on the cummings poem, one I had never seen.

    A great way to end the month.

    Guy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guy, I had never seen this poem either but found it on the website related to a different prompt so I went with it. It was a fun exercise, though quite a bit different from what I usually do! I am glad that you liked it!

      Delete

Welcome to my Poet Tree. Enjoy your visit here. Just remember, all spam will be removed like dead leaves from under a tree, but sincere comments will always be welcome and appreciated!