We laughed, shared poems, became friends,
I thought we connected
Became kindred spirits—
You spurred me on
To poetry
To creativity
To life
I always hoped I meet you
One day but,
You withdrew your presence,
And refused to speak to me
And I wonder what unknown offense I have committed
To be cast out this way.
The sadness I feel lingers
like a stale odor in my brain--
You caught me with my defenses down,
I will not be caught again.
~Kathiesbirds (September 8, 2008)
You have really captured the mystery and sometimes anguish of a connection made and then revoked beyond our own control. Perhaps you had received the gift you needed...but then, there are no simple answers.
ReplyDeleteIn this virtual age, I think a lot of us have connected and then lost connections this way. My experience informs me that often there was no offense at all rather the other party has suffered some crisis or distraction that keeps them away longer than even they expected. I've been online long enough, too, to know that I've been the MIA party as well as the dejected.
ReplyDeleteFor me, our art is a blend of fact and fiction and I hope this is more fiction.
.."and blogged into my life"_(how different would the poem be if 'blogged' be replaced by 'came')
ReplyDelete-i like the poem and find it lovely..many thanks..
Hi Kathy, yes that happens! I sometimes want to believe Mrs. Jim when she says "everybody likes Jim."
ReplyDeleteI peeked at your Skywatching 'fire' and was reminded for some reason of Breer Rabit and Tar Baby. :-)
..
Deborah, the gift I received was the inspiration to start this blog, so you are and I am thankful.
ReplyDeleteSusan, ah the wonders of the interent, all of which I am still geting use to. I suppose I shouldn't be so literal but I am always direct. It's hard for me to be coy. Unfortunatley this isn't fiction but one must go on.
zoya, I first wrote it with the word "walked" but that wasn't the literal truth. Perhaps I should have kept it, but I thought it would make more sense if the internet connection was made. We risk so much when we open our hearts to strangers, don't we. Your word might fit better after all. I will consider it.
Jim, thanks for your encouragement. You've made me smile. Perhaps you thought of Brer Rabbit and Tar Baby because the clouds look like boiling steam. Now I know your mind wanders down strange lanes!
Hi, Kathie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comments over my way.
I totally understand what you are saying. The rejection you describe does hurt so much. But . . . if the "offended" person won't talk, I guess I feel that my part is done; I try to let go of that friendship, but without bitterness, lest my heart be poisoned and weighed down. I guess what I'm saying is that I do try to keep my defenses down, to be open and receptive to others.
Does that make any sense at all? I'm rambling, and trying to say too much in too few words . . .
Joyce, everything you say makes perfect sense and that's what I am trying to do, move on without bitterness. If I could just let go of the sadness, that would help. This poem is my way of doing just that. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. There are many more friends out there I am sure, but I do know that each person is unique and important in their own way and no one can replace anyone else. I just have such a sense of loss, more than I expected!
ReplyDeleteKathie,
ReplyDeleteThis is poignant. I can feel every word of it. I am sorry about this experience. It's so hard to know what causes people to come and go--especially in the blogosphere.
Wishing you peace.
I do find that my poetry is a way of really expressing how I feel, both the good and the bad. I am glad you were able to write about your experience. It's very honest...
ReplyDeleteKatie, this is so honest and heartfelt. People do these things but sometimes I imagine it is more about themselves and their lives than it is about yourself or something you did. That does not make the loss any less painful. The portrayal of uncertainty you write so well of here speaks to that defenselessness. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteDear Kathie,
ReplyDeleteThere is one important lesson for me in your story here:
We are making REAL connections to eachother. We can really connect and befriend and support eachother. And hurt eachother.
A part of me didn't understand, or couldn't imagine, how this could be. But it is so--and I think it is wonderful. Whole new avenues to real connection and friendships.
I am very sorry you were hurt. I join Sandy in wishing you peace.
Karen
http://everydaymemoir.com/
To be able to reach out and connect and identify with each other is a most wonderful participation and there are so many reasons under the sun why people suddenly change their habits. sometimes we can only wonder and wait sometimes for understanding why.
ReplyDeleteVery touching, I feel for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSandy, I am feeling better today. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteregina clare jane, I was doubting whether I should have published this afterall last night but reading your comment and karen's below has reassured me. My poems are an expression of how I feel. Sometimes they are fantasy, often they are reality. It has always helped me to cope with life by writing about it. Thank you for understanding.
Quiet paths, that is good advice. Thanks for the hugs.
Karen, every word you say is true,and so I try to be so careful in what I say to others. It was a delight to find out how you can make friends with people so far away and unknown before. I won't stop making friends. I wish this other person well. I just don't understand and that leaves me confused and sad. I am not angry and I am not sorry I met this person. Oh well. Life goes on, right? I guess I am partly surprised myself at the sense of connection I felt for a total stranger. Thank you for commenting.
meannmycamera, nice to see you once again. You are right and I will wait and continue to write and create! The sun rose bright once again this morning!
spacedlaw, thank you for your empathy.
That happened to me - in real time. Amazing feelings that crop from such discarding. Great writing!
ReplyDeletelovely, sad lines.
ReplyDeleteHi Kathie~
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a very powerful poem - and very modern! I don't think you should change the word "blogged" it is perfect. Blogs are so strange that way, they allow people who have never met in person to become very close because they share so much of themselves with one another. But then, if something happens, and one person has to be (or chooses to be) away from the computer for an extended amount of time, you can feel real and valid loss of a friendship. It is one of my fears that I will unintentionally let one (or more) of my online friends down in this way, because I sometimes get sooooo far behind on emails and blogs, that I can't catch up and I just have to skip a lot of them. Anyway, I got caught up on this blog today, and it is just fantastic - it keeps getting better and better, and the images are really wonderful (I'm a visual person). Thanks for all you share!!
Thanks for the kind comment on my blog. It is odd how people that like poetry also like birds. I have a very good link to a bird blog its in with my poetry links.
ReplyDeleteYou have some nice poetry and photos on your other blog. I will set up a link.
Bye!
I can feel your hurt. Oh my, I CAN feel your pain. Beautifully written!
ReplyDelete